THE FIRST RAY OF LIGHT

The first ray of light was out , Filtering through the wooden windows 
frozen in cold. I had been waiting patiently watching through my room
the first snowfall unraveling itself in its subtle way of domination
over whole city. I had seen snow a lot of times by now, but every
single time I am amazed by its serenity. The canvas of dark turning to
morning has always been something I am intrigued by. You know how
nature has its own way of telling stories.  

I have dreams that one day Ammi will be so proud of me and baba would 
have been too. My younger sister zainab and me fight all the time
over who Ammi loves more. I take all her dolls and hide it in my
cricket kit. She never gets to know about it. I know I am evil that
way but I still love her and ammi says that baba left and gave me the
responsibility to take care of zainab.  
 

I still don't know where baba went and when will he be back. Ammi
says he will be back soon. You know when he does come back one day; 
I will tell baba of all the times zainab pulled my hair and took my
sweets and, yes of course baba will come with me to my cricket
matches. I have kept the ball baba gifted me when I was 7 in my 
locker. When he will be back we will play together.
Till then I won’t let zainab touch it.  


Ammi is always scared of one thing or the other. She rechecks to 
lock the doors properly each night. Doesn’t let me go too far even 
when I am with friends. Sometimes I don't understand her but maybe
that is how mothers are. I think she is scared of the wolves
outside. I tell ammi that I am strong and I am 11 now, so she
doesn’t have to worry about anything. Baba always thought I was
strong and could take care of myself. 


I looked at him.  


Oh my dear son, how do I tell you of my plight 

For you were 8, Too young to understand evils might

He was here, with me in the warmth of our home 
  
How will I ever tell you what happened that night?

While you were sleeping oblivious to this sight 

I wish that door never was opened 

I wish it was me not him 

These eyes of mine witnessed grief that words can’t describe 


I saw him looking at me saying good bye 

with the same eyes that held my world tied 

I looked at him 
Trying to free myself from the restrain of these wolves

Yes the same ones I warn you of 

Not animals, 

For animals have soul

I couldn’t help him as they took him away from me 

I felt my life leaving me 

Taking along all that had warmth inside, from me 

I turned cold that day 

Died without dying 

I heard thunder after thunder 

They will never know what they have taken away from me

I told you baba left for sometime 

How would I ever tell you what had happened?

I still feel him in every breath I take 

I still hear his laughter in this place we had called home

I hear him narrating his dreams to me 

How would I ever tell you what had happened?

I can’t forget those eyes; which looked at me in desperation 

They had broken us into pieces I never knew how to fix back 

Oh my dear children, 

Each night I think 

As moments pass in deafening silence 

How could it have been any different?

For them it was another fake encounter 

For me it was my world being shattered in front of me 

How would I ever tell you what had happened?

This pain shall not leave me now 

Till I am returned to this soil of ours

Which has soaked in, for years now 

Blood instead of water 

You hear the wind singing songs of grief 

The rain diluting the screams 

The sun to dry up the tears 

And yes 

The snow 

Of course, your snow my dear

A cover up 

Of agonizing sorrow 

Penetrating the hearts 

Rendering them lifeless 

So tell me my dear?

How would I ever tell you what had happened?

 

Leave a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Create your website with WordPress.com
Get started
%d bloggers like this: